When you put yourself out there and take action toward something, whether in your business, a project or personal goal, there are often two main outcomes:
1. You achieve what you intended, or
2. You don't.
When you don't, it can feel like rejection. Unless you can guarantee your action will result in a successful outcome then you need to brace yourself for rejection. When you separate rejection from yourself or your identity it’s not personal. If you think it is, then it’s more a state of mind that you’ve accepted and it’s time to reprogram. Trust me you can do this because the brain is plastic, and research shows that the brain never stops changing and adjusting. Good to know.
Note – rejection isn’t personal
Once you disassociate your feeling of rejection from you as a person, you’re left with more power to act. This is because you’re freer (in your own mind) to take action without the fallout being a hit to your sense of self. And that's really the point. Anyone you look to that has achieved any success you admire has put themselves out there to take action and the braced themselves for the related rejection. And if you believe these successful types got that way because everything just goes their way, well you're in love with a lie. Just look at Harry Potter author JK Rowling. It took her seven years from her first idea for the book to get an agent and eventually secure a book publisher. Clearly she felt driven to keep going and not give up. JK Rowling backed herself because she knew she had something that was worth sharing and was not going to let any agent rejections deter her from her goal. Use this as inspiration before you give up on your idea or let well meaning advice from family and friends invade your confidence.
Note – when you’re unsure do it anyway, there are no guarantees either way
When you step out to embrace rejection it means you’re actively taking action towards a goal that’s important to you. When you do the opposite and retreat from taking action, it can be a sign of fear or negative voices in your head telling you to retreat. When this happens it’s time to reframe how you look at the situation.
Note – rejection is your friend to get you were you want to go
A common confidence killer is negative self talk. Forget about rejection from others because when it comes to sabotage it’s pretty easy to do it to ourselves. Our negative self talk can talk us into a corner if we let it. It’s a master at telling us what we can’t do, shouldn’t do or don’t even think about doing. It’s pretty easy to overplay a situation in our head and overplay the result, even if the actual outcome is simply that someone says no to us. Imagine, being told no! How will you ever recover? Seriously, do you get everything you want? If yes, then no need to read on. Otherwise, keep in mind too that no could mean, not now, not me or I don’t understand what you’re offering. Every time you hear no, you receive some feedback. Always look for a lesson in the no.
Note – when you hear ‘no’ take notice of the lesson and have another go
To get some perspective let’s consider rejection from a toddler’s perspective just. Picture a young boy, with a young brain and no fear of rejection. Despite being told no many times previously he boldly asks for the sweets at supermarket again. Hekeeps asking every time he sees them. He knows it’s in his interest to have another go. Sure he has the temper tantrum as a plan b to make everyone in the immediate vicinity uncomfortable and put his parents under duress. The toddler learns that if they don’t ask they won’t be rewarded. As adults we can’t rely on a plan b like the toddler however we do have to ask so we can receive feedback, use it to refine our request and take action again next time. It’s a reiterative process. It’s only available if you embrace rejection as a process to sharpen your offer and eventually get to the ‘yes’ you want.
Note – rejection is feedback in disguise
So it's important to understand that it's worth making peace with the concept of rejection and understand that it comes with the territory when you take action. If you want to achieve anything you need to take action first. Whether you're vying for a job, a promotion, presenting a bid, proposing a date, or a proposal, you have to take action or nothing happens.
If you’re still not sure, create a ‘worse thing that can happen’ column and ‘best thing that can happen’ column in your notebook and weigh up the options of not taking action versus taking action. How does your list look? When you look at the possibilities on both sides does it change your perspective? Give you confidence?
Another way to build your rejection muscle is to start small. Ask someone you don't know well in your office for a coffee. Be ready for them to say no, and be totally ok with this. Also be ready for them to say yes. Be proud of yourself for taking action no matter what the result. What really matters is your intent. People hear that more loudly than what you’re asking for.
