The distinction between need versus want has always perplexed me. The dictionary doesn’t announce any difference between these words; in fact uses each one to help define the other. However in real life I think there is a difference.
For me, want is something desired but optional, whereas need is something necessary. What’s your view?
A creative distinction
The Rolling Stones sang it well:
"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need"
The Stones lyrics are closer to the truth. Sometimes we have to face what we need before we can attain what we want. What we need can often be something that you don’t want to face, but it’s necessary for your growth. For all of us, dealing with what we need can make us better people.
What one needs is covered in the book The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday. Holiday shares the wisdom of the Stoics and Buddhists, who believe that our challenges or obstacles are perfectly designed to highlight what we need to lean into and overcome. These challenges are necessary for our development.
The Stoics said: “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." 'The way' means the path, as in what you might need to do next. Address the obstacle and you'll find your path. For example, the obstacle could be someone that is difficult to deal with but once you find a way to deal with them you have overcome the obstacle and made an advance in your interpersonal relationship with this person. Dealing with the obstacle, whatever that is for you, is a breakthrough in your personal development.
Avoiding obstacles
In sales there’s the saying ‘sell them what they want and then give them what they need’. It’s a bit of a game. As a leader you might be trapped by your own success if your people are giving you what you want every time. What you might be missing out on what you need if everyone’s too scared to give it to you. Learn to let go and give space to your people to deliver you what you need and then see what you can achieve.
However, when you don’t accept what you need or face the obstacle, then it will keep presenting itself to you over time. It will keep showing up to challenge you and its only when you deal with it will it go away. Be brave, acknowledge it and accept the lesson you have to learn. You'll be stronger for it.
Lessons in disguise
Your growth comes from moving into a space that you might not want to go. That’s why lessons are called just that. We might want ‘less’ of them ‘on’ us, but that doesn’t mean that’s what we need. On the contrary.
So empower yourself today and say game on to that lesson that keeps arriving at your feet. Make it your friend and welcome the voices of dissent in your team or in your life because they are really there to serve you. Your job is to receive them rather than resist these lessons. The universe knows what you need before you get what you want.
